(I had posted a previous entry but have since deleted it because I thought it was too personal. However I am my business and my business is me, I can’t separate the two and maybe by putting my personal struggles out there I can potentially help someone else going through the same thing. I reposted that entry here.)

I am sitting here writing this in isolation because the corona virus decided that it was my turn to be sick. One final parting gift from 2023. Though I feel fine, it would have been irresponsible for me to celebrate my birthday and Christmas with loved ones and because of that, friends have dropped off food and presents. One thing this year has taught me is that I have an amazingly supportive community. I would not have made it through with out you all. 

Y’all. Its been a year. 

Where to start….well… lets look back on 2023. I had chosen my word for the year to be “Conquer.” Little did I know the significance that word would take on. I did manage to conquer my breast cancer diagnosis with a lot of help from my family, doctors, and friends. I am not out of the woods yet but I will be continually monitored for the next five years to make sure I do not have a recurrence. 

What I learned about breast cancer is there are so many different types, and that it does not discriminate. What I was diagnosed with was Triple Negative, which means that receptors for progesterone, estrogen, and the protein receptor HER2 on the cells were not being fed, which other types potentially are. Because of this, it is said that this type is much more aggressive and can’t be controlled by aromatase inhibitors. 

Since completing treatment I have had a lot of anger. I am angry that I no longer feel in control of my own body. How did this happen? I was doing everything right with my health! I’m young(ish) and I work out a lot and eat healthy! I am struggling with chemotherapy induced menopausal symptoms, something my doctor just glossed over. And I am working on accepting my new body, one that I barely recognize. I feel guilty because I should be grateful that it was caught early and that I am alive, and many people have it much worse than me. In talking with other cancer survivors I’ve learned that is pretty common to feel this way. I’ve started talking with a therapist and will hopefully work through these feelings and develop some tools that will help me cope. 

a look back on my year. 

Before going in for a lumpectomy, Evan and I visited Salon, hosted by Lynne Rutter in San Francisco.

Friends from CrossFit Catonsville gave me an awesome send off and supported me throughout my treatment.

I travelled down to Nashville to work on the Southern Living Idea House for Laura Hodges Studio.  

Evan and I were able to travel to Michigan to be with family and celebrate the Fourth of July up at the farm. 

Laura Hodges Studio hosted a pop up at her shop Domain to help me out during my treatment. I was touched by how many friends came to support me. 

After chemotherapy was completed and before I started radiation, I snuck in a much needed trip to LA to visit Evan. 

While home and unable to work, I wanted to figure out how to install a zipper. That has evolved into an entirely new side hustle and I’ve started a new instagram page, which I hope you will follow. @thestudiobydeelenehan

During the weeks between chemo when I felt ok, I snuck in a little work. I am currently working with some of the best clients I’ve ever had the privilege of working with on their dining room. I scheduled radiation nearby so that I could work each day then go to treatment. I completed the walls in November and am working on the ceiling in my studio. Installation is planned for January second and then I will be finishing the trim and wainscoting to complete the room. I was also able to play with my band The Gold Ponies at a few shows, and Evan even flew out from LA to surprise me!!

Leading up to Christmas I was commissioned to paint several portraits for clients as gifts. I worked to make sure they were completed in time and thankfully the clients were thrilled. I am finding that portrait work is very gratifying and as a bonus it allows me to work in my studio and off the ladder. I hope to receive many more commissions in the future. 

Looking forward and my word of the year

2024 is shaping up to be a good year. I have had such a positive response to the landscape mural at the Southern Living Idea House that I have a mural scheduled in Los Angeles in January and a few more in Nashville later in the year. I hope to make up for last year and travel a lot more. Which brings me to my word for 2024…

Balance

2023 was a kick in the pants and reminded me of a lesson I had forgotten. Work to live, not live to work. I was so caught up in proving to myself that I could make it independently that I lost sight of the big picture. When my mom passed in 2014, I vowed not to put off enjoying life until retirement. We are not guaranteed tomorrow. So for 2024 I am going to work on keeping things in perspective and balancing my work with enjoying my life. And seeing my sweetheart as much as I can. 

A friend once told me something that she lives by. Whenever she is presented with an opportunity, not only does she say yes to it, she says “Yes, AND….(insert whatever else would make that experience that much more amazing.)”

So Yes! I want to live my life, AND I want to LOVE it. I do not want to let fear or worry stand in the way of having incredible experiences. I am excited for what this next year has in store. I want to paint all the projects! Make all the things! See all the places! Eat all the food! Have all of the experiences I can. 

What are your hope, goals, or dreams for the coming year? I would love to hear them.

Wishing you happiness and health in 2024.